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Battle *The Come Up II Day One* Ill Magic vs Cheddah12


View Poll Results: Who you got taking it?
Ill Magic 10 71.43%
Cheddah12 4 28.57%
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Old 04-18-2014, 07:11 AM   #1
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*The Come Up II Day One* Ill Magic vs Cheddah12

Let's fuckin' go.


@Ill Magic
You can't tie this (tidus), bars stretch for eons (aoens), so winning ain't your final fantasy /
I punch vicious wit a Giants Fist, shits an instant tragedy, how can he hope to stand wit me? /
Get ya name flipped like Bruce Almighty skirts, we all know ya fake like counterfeit dough /

How can he make cheddah off this battle when his bodybag's about to be stuck down in a hole? /
I'm hit ya with 12 from the south, make ya fall down like pac when suge's glocks blow /
How can his shadow box me when I'm leaving him spinning and i'm weaving like a Navajo /
You got broken battle rap bars, you can't ressurect the art of jazz /
Get broken and left forever alone, like post 2000 prison systems--alcatraz /
You got five guys ready for in-and-out they way they wantin some cheese/
Gettin McGangBanged, Now I know why they call you cheddah.. you stay on top of the meat /
Leaving ya Screaming like lil kim' in Notorious, it's Christopher Wallace Jr. vs. Anthony Mackie /
I could muthafuckin care less, Drivin past C to blast heat out the back of a paki's taxi /
Let's toss some exotic cheese like Fleuron and throw it into @Dog Debarko's bowl /
Make him feel pain in the neurons, stupid ass peons pissing in a brotha's pool /
I have a final prediction, with a conclusion that you lack fine diction and conviction /
You'll get bodied like Bobby did to the Jew, and end up with a fucking crucifixion /


@Cheddah12
My bro Seanzo he a nice guy, for my first round he gave me a bye
no slow it down I said for my first round he gave me a Bi

Now since the Genesis i been real dope and on my grind, Full time hustle no Halftime
Magic fuck with my Cheddah he getting side lined,nine at your dome pull it one time for your Mind
Shits gettin real graphic, its real tragic how your body is laying real static
You finding out lifes a bitch but thats what you get for thinking you illmatic
You a Killer that crap hard to believe cause its a bit dicey I hit 7-11 and get chips nightly
dont gamble with your life have your body turn icy,the 45 on my hip is the only mag I see/mag i c
my strap she like a good bitch always close by never in the holster,doesnt like being left alone
always wants me to hold her, likes me to squeeze her butt never got to console her
She follows me wherever I go like an uncle sam poster
I bet your girl tells you shes faithful and you believer her,its funny your magic
but shes the deciever my dicks a starting pitcher your dick just a middle reliever
I only fuck MVP bitches who are in the league to stay,im hitting homeruns and fans show
me love everyday,you scared to step in the box so you dont get no play
you the type of nigga who always strikes out looking, your a backwards K
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Its called battle rap, not battle skin.
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Hell yeah, about to smoke some weed from my special gandalf replica pipe and watch this
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and jewish people dont eat beef so ur definitely not right on that 1
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Old 04-18-2014, 07:19 AM   #2
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Magic bro just some constructive criticism.. Try and get your shit to flow better.. its just a lil to dicey..
You got that tho..

A lot of cheddahs setups and punches didn't make much sense.. But good shit guys

Not the one who does bar for bar breakdowns sorry
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:24 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seanzo View Post
Let's fuckin' go.


@Ill Magic
You can't tie this (tidus), bars stretch for eons (aoens), so winning ain't your final fantasy /
I punch vicious wit a Giants Fist, shits an instant tragedy, how can he hope to stand wit me? /
Strange rhythm..work on it
Get ya name flipped like Bruce Almighty skirts, we all know ya fake like counterfeit dough /

How can he make cheddah off this battle when his bodybag's about to be stuck down in a hole? /
weak, unless im not getting something..
I'm hit ya with 12 from the south, make ya fall down like pac when suge's glocks blow /
How can his shadow box me when I'm leaving him spinning and i'm weaving like a Navajo /
little better...
You got broken battle rap bars, you can't ressurect the art of jazz /
Get broken and left forever alone, like post 2000 prison systems--alcatraz /
what does this even mean ?
You got five guys ready for in-and-out they way they wantin some cheese/
Gettin McGangBanged, Now I know why they call you cheddah.. you stay on top of the meat /
yeah this is good
Leaving ya Screaming like lil kim' in Notorious, it's Christopher Wallace Jr. vs. Anthony Mackie /
I could muthafuckin care less, Drivin past C to blast heat out the back of a paki's taxi /
not feeling it paki's taxi sounds weird
Let's toss some exotic cheese like Fleuron and throw it into @Dog Debarko's bowl /
Make him feel pain in the neurons, stupid ass peons pissing in a brotha's pool /
again this sounds strange, you need to work on rhythm
I have a final prediction, with a conclusion that you lack fine diction and conviction /
You'll get bodied like Bobby did to the Jew, and end up with a fucking crucifixion /
I like the punch, but the set up is wack as fuck and rhythmless


@Cheddah12
My bro Seanzo he a nice guy, for my first round he gave me a bye
no slow it down I said for my first round he gave me a Bi
ehhhh...

Now since the Genesis i been real dope and on my grind, Full time hustle no Halftime
Magic fuck with my Cheddah he getting side lined,nine at your dome pull it one time for your Mind
nice
Shits gettin real graphic, its real tragic how your body is laying real static
You finding out lifes a bitch but thats what you get for thinking you illmatic
i can see some people feeling the punch, but matic=/=magic and the forced comparison grates with me
You a Killer that crap hard to believe cause its a bit dicey I hit 7-11 and get chips nightly
dont gamble with your life have your body turn icy,the 45 on my hip is the only mag I see/mag i c
i like it
my strap she like a good bitch always close by never in the holster,doesnt like being left alone
always wants me to hold her, likes me to squeeze her butt never got to console her
ok, generic enough
She follows me wherever I go like an uncle sam poster
eh..
I bet your girl tells you shes faithful and you believer her,its funny your magic
but shes the deciever my dicks a starting pitcher your dick just a middle reliever
weird rhythm
I only fuck MVP bitches who are in the league to stay,im hitting homeruns and fans show
me love everyday,you scared to step in the box so you dont get no play
you the type of nigga who always strikes out looking, your a backwards K
weird set-up, decent punch
Giving it to Chedda - but rhythm was lacking in this battle
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:29 AM   #4
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Magic, you verse was confusing man. When you use links, mentions, gifs, pis, whatever the fuck in you battle, try to use them so it makes sense (if that makes sense)
Apart from that and the quite odd rythem/flow, you had some good lines man

Cheddah, I liked the wordplay you had a lot. It gives you something to think about or to read back. But you also had some weird flow in there, keep an eye on that

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Old 04-18-2014, 12:43 PM   #5
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Will come back to this one later today, very close on first read.
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Old 04-18-2014, 02:11 PM   #6
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@Ill Magic
You can't tie this (tidus), bars stretch for eons (aoens), so winning ain't your final fantasy /
I punch vicious wit a Giants Fist, shits an instant tragedy, how can he hope to stand wit me? /
Could've used a stronger punch. Liking the Final Fantasy play though
Get ya name flipped like Bruce Almighty skirts, we all know ya fake like counterfeit dough /
How can he make cheddah off this battle when his bodybag's about to be stuck down in a hole? /
Decent, but lacking that heavy hit to send it over the edge. This was just ok
I'm hit ya with 12 from the south, make ya fall down like pac when suge's glocks blow /
How can his shadow box me when I'm leaving him spinning and i'm weaving like a Navajo /
Needed to make the set-up and punch connect. In the set-up you're talking bout guns then you transition into boxing/punchin. Just seemed weird to me and out of place.
You got broken battle rap bars, you can't ressurect the art of jazz /
Get broken and left forever alone, like post 2000 prison systems--alcatraz /
Ok im on the fence about this one because I like the idea/scheme but it wasnt executed properly.
You got five guys ready for in-and-out they way they wantin some cheese/
Gettin McGangBanged, Now I know why they call you cheddah.. you stay on top of the meat /
mmmmmmmmmm best line of the verse
Leaving ya Screaming like lil kim' in Notorious, it's Christopher Wallace Jr. vs. Anthony Mackie /
I could muthafuckin care less, Drivin past C to blast heat out the back of a paki's taxi /
Liking the multis, but the punch is a little light
Let's toss some exotic cheese like Fleuron and throw it into @Dog Debarko's bowl /
Make him feel pain in the neurons, stupid ass peons pissing in a brotha's pool /
Bowl/pool aint rhyming too good for me. Line was kinda bad too
I have a final prediction, with a conclusion that you lack fine diction and conviction /
You'll get bodied like Bobby did to the Jew, and end up with a fucking crucifixion /
smh you gunna jinx me bitch, decent closer tho

@Cheddah12
My bro Seanzo he a nice guy, for my first round he gave me a bye
no slow it down I said for my first round he gave me a Bi
lol, not bad but i aint feelin this as a slow it down
Now since the Genesis i been real dope and on my grind, Full time hustle no Halftime
Magic fuck with my Cheddah he getting side lined,nine at your dome pull it one time for your Mind
decent, seems a little basic on the rhyme though
Shits gettin real graphic, its real tragic how your body is laying real static
You finding out lifes a bitch but thats what you get for thinking you illmatic
This hit for me cuz Magic wrote an article about the illmatic reissue on his website (august73.com) a few days ago... did you use that? if so well done.
You a Killer that crap hard to believe cause its a bit dicey I hit 7-11 and get chips nightly
dont gamble with your life have your body turn icy,the 45 on my hip is the only mag I see/mag i c
Ok, decent
my strap she like a good bitch always close by never in the holster,doesnt like being left alone
always wants me to hold her, likes me to squeeze her butt never got to console her
lol.. this got the comedy goin for it but lackin a punch
She follows me wherever I go like an uncle sam poster
weak
I bet your girl tells you shes faithful and you believer her,its funny your magic
but shes the deciever my dicks a starting pitcher your dick just a middle reliever
Wasnt feelin this
I only fuck MVP bitches who are in the league to stay,im hitting homeruns and fans show
me love everyday,you scared to step in the box so you dont get no play
you the type of nigga who always strikes out looking, your a backwards K
I would have looked for something better for your closer... Not a horrible way to end off the verse though you did your thing

This battle is super close.. Magic finally figured out what a punch is and started crafting some bars (actually using multis now, what?) so this verse is a big step up for past battles. I liked Cheddah a little more in his Shazo battle, this verse felt like it was lacking a lot of hits where he could've gotten some nice shit off if he expanded on the ideas. Going to give this to Magic on the fact that they both had the same amount of punches (not many tbh), but Magics were of better quality. That 'on top of the meat' line top such a good play on his name bravo sir.

Last edited by Bobby Bigelow; 04-18-2014 at 02:13 PM.
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Old 04-18-2014, 03:12 PM   #7
Ill Magic
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Good battle @Cheddah12
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Old 04-18-2014, 03:28 PM   #8
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Ready to vote. IM this was a huge step up. By far your best verse in a while. I thought Cheddah started off real nice but started to fall off a bit as his verse went on. Due to the fact that more of Magic's punches landed for me, he is getting my vote in a very close battle.
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But at least KOTD balances its unscrupulousness with some equitable intentions, like providing a few working-class men with a lawful income, whereas in this era more and more channels and media outlets are nothing but predatory tabloidesque trouble-makers.
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Old 04-18-2014, 04:03 PM   #9
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Lmao @ me getting "bodied" by anyone

It's good tho...will vote later...
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Old 04-18-2014, 04:52 PM   #10
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im going with magic. what gave him the edge was the on top of meat line. i was reading it out loud and literally laughed. both had good concepts just need to be executed a little better. close battle guys!
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Old 04-18-2014, 09:52 PM   #11
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Lmao @ me getting "bodied" by anyone

It's good tho...will vote later...
You got bodied by @Bobby Lee Swag.
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:01 PM   #12
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You got bodied by @Bobby Lee Swag.
Voting not over for awhile

Dont do dat.
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Old 04-18-2014, 10:26 PM   #13
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Haha good shit @ Ill Magic and good lookin everyone for the feedback
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Old 04-18-2014, 11:47 PM   #14
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You got bodied by @Bobby Lee Swag.
Yeah...sure...or people on this site are anti-Semitic as shit and/or don't like the fact that I "explained" my bars in my last battle.

I'm starting to see this shit is one big stroke-fest just like Rapmusic.com's text battle forum was.

The only thing this had going for it was that the KOTD staff was frequently voting on battles which cancelled out all the petty cliques and allegiances that form in sub-forums like these.

Fact is, when someone is disliked, his opponent doesn't have to necessarily do better than him for him to lose. His opponent only has to get close so that when everyone votes for his opponent, it's at least believable.

Personally, I don't think I lost. I think Bobby's verse was good, but mine was ultimately better crafted. It also had more punches. I counted.

This site is kind of a waste of time, tbqh.
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Old 04-18-2014, 11:54 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by baldjewishman View Post
Yeah...sure...or people on this site are anti-Semitic as shit and/or don't like the fact that I "explained" my bars in my last battle.

I'm starting to see this shit is one big stroke-fest just like Rapmusic.com's text battle forum was.

The only thing this had going for it was that the KOTD staff was frequently voting on battles which cancelled out all the petty cliques and allegiances that form in sub-forums like these.

Fact is, when someone is disliked, his opponent doesn't have to necessarily do better than him for him to lose. His opponent only has to get close so that when everyone votes for his opponent, it's at least believable.

Personally, I don't think I lost. I think Bobby's verse was good, but mine was ultimately better crafted. It also had more punches. I counted.

This site is kind of a waste of time, tbqh.
Every battle I made, even the one against @SuckaFreeCashier or @Dank Schrader, I thought I did very well, especially when I first started battling. Sometimes I think that people just hate me, but then I realize that I honestly didn't win. Also, once I win, I realize that people liking me or not doesn't matter.

This is the best Textbattle site that the bots crawl!
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:13 AM   #16
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Hey if KOTD does it, then I will do it to. I gave this battle to Ill Magic because I've seen him on the forums and he is a funny dude. Cheddah12's handle irritates me because it is too close to Chedda from Calgary. Cronyism/Bars.
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:13 AM   #17
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Yeah...sure...or people on this site are anti-Semitic as shit and/or don't like the fact that I "explained" my bars in my last battle.

I'm starting to see this shit is one big stroke-fest just like Rapmusic.com's text battle forum was.

The only thing this had going for it was that the KOTD staff was frequently voting on battles which cancelled out all the petty cliques and allegiances that form in sub-forums like these.

Fact is, when someone is disliked, his opponent doesn't have to necessarily do better than him for him to lose. His opponent only has to get close so that when everyone votes for his opponent, it's at least believable.

Personally, I don't think I lost. I think Bobby's verse was good, but mine was ultimately better crafted. It also had more punches. I counted.

This site is kind of a waste of time, tbqh.
Don't do this bro. Petty cliques? I have voted for and against nearly every text battler. Of course you think you won. I think I won every battle I've been in, but my record is still 4-3. Don't get petty because people like someone else's style / bars better than yours.
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But at least KOTD balances its unscrupulousness with some equitable intentions, like providing a few working-class men with a lawful income, whereas in this era more and more channels and media outlets are nothing but predatory tabloidesque trouble-makers.
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:21 AM   #18
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Hey if KOTD does it, then I will do it to. I gave this battle to Ill Magic because I've seen him on the forums and he is a funny dude. Cheddah12's handle irritates me because it is too close to Chedda from Calgary. Cronyism/Bars.
Seriously? I'm funny? Thanks!
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:24 AM   #19
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Don't do this bro. Petty cliques? I have voted for and against nearly every text battler. Of course you think you won. I think I won every battle I've been in, but my record is still 4-3. Don't get petty because people like someone else's style / bars better than yours.
I'm not pulling this out of my ass, dude. There is at least one voter who voted against me because he "didn't like the font I used", then he proceeded to troll the shit out of me using all manner of pejorative anti-Semitic insults. Another I'm pretty sure voted against me because he didn't like the fact that I "had too many links in my verse", (he said so in the thread), which is really just a euphemism for "I don't like you so I'm voting against you"...

There needs to be a quality control mechanism in place for judging these things because there's no point in people putting effort into these battles if the judging is going to be open to trolls, tbh.
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:30 AM   #20
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Quote:
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I'm not pulling this out of my ass, dude. There is at least one voter who voted against me because he "didn't like the font I used", then he proceeded to troll the shit out of me using all manner of pejorative anti-Semitic insults. Another I'm pretty sure voted against me because he didn't like the fact that I "had too many links in my verse", (he said so in the thread), which is really just a euphemism for "I don't like you so I'm voting against you"...

There needs to be a quality control mechanism in place for judging these things because there's no point in people putting effort into these battles if the judging is going to be open to trolls, tbh.
Dude, I was pissed after my battle with 6000GP cause I put a lot of work into it, then lost. What really burned me was that I was up then I convinced myself that after lil Ill mistakenly voted for GP that people started voting for him because it was easier and we are all forced to vote. Notice how we all get mentioned then 3 people chime in with quick votes.. They obviously didn't think critically about the battle. Before I conclude GP's verse was dope. That said, just build up a good body of work and fuck the haters.
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:35 AM   #21
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Dude, I was pissed after my battle with 6000GP cause I put a lot of work into it, then lost. What really burned me was that I was up then I convinced myself that after lil Ill mistakenly voted for GP that people started voting for him because it was easier and we are all forced to vote. Notice how we all get mentioned then 3 people chime in with quick votes.. They obviously didn't think critically about the battle. Before I conclude GP's verse was dope. That said, just build up a good body of work and fuck the haters.
Yeah...fuck...that sucks....Lil Ill is actually a terrible terrible person.

He is the unofficial mascot of the troll faction. If there was an event that he was participating in, I would refuse to be a part of it just off of general principle.
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Old 04-19-2014, 12:40 AM   #22
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Yeah...fuck...that sucks....Lil Ill is actually a terrible terrible person.

He is the unofficial mascot of the troll faction. If there was an event that he was participating in, I would refuse to be a part of it just off of general principle.
Just read in a different thread about your exchanging blocks of text theory and I completely agree. That said, @riffics counter about scansion is interesting. Admittedly I'd never heard of that term before. It's one I will look into tho.

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Old 04-19-2014, 12:43 AM   #23
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magic got this, that stay on top of meat shit was real dope. big improvement, still alot of work to be done, but your on the right track
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After battling a professional rapper like Dank and btw he's the only real professional I ever battled, I'm not going back to battling trash like this wack troll weirdo.
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Old 04-19-2014, 02:01 AM   #24
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@Cheddah12 wanna breakdown each other's bars?
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Old 04-19-2014, 05:06 PM   #25
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Guys! Vote for this battle!!
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Old 04-19-2014, 07:09 PM   #26
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@Cheddah12 wanna breakdown each other's bars?


You can't tie this (tidus), bars stretch for eons (aoens), so winning ain't your final fantasy /
I punch vicious wit a Giants Fist, shits an instant tragedy, how can he hope to stand wit me? /
The set up doesn't really make any sense to me, punch was light
Get ya name flipped like Bruce Almighty skirts, we all know ya fake like counterfeit dough /

How can he make cheddah off this battle when his bodybag's about to be stuck down in a hole? /
Ehhh
I'm hit ya with 12 from the south, make ya fall down like pac when suge's glocks blow /
How can his shadow box me when I'm leaving him spinning and i'm weaving like a Navajo /
Again don't get the setup but the punch was better
You got broken battle rap bars, you can't ressurect the art of jazz /
Get broken and left forever alone, like post 2000 prison systems--alcatraz /
Not feelin it
You got five guys ready for in-and-out they way they wantin some cheese/
Gettin McGangBanged, Now I know why they call you cheddah.. you stay on top of the meat /
The set-up i was diggin, pretty sure I heard a stay on top of meat line against cheddah before but still your best set-up and punch of this battle
Leaving ya Screaming like lil kim' in Notorious, it's Christopher Wallace Jr. vs. Anthony Mackie /
I could muthafuckin care less, Drivin past C to blast heat out the back of a paki's taxi /
Set-up was cool punch kinda forced
Let's toss some exotic cheese like Fleuron and throw it into @Dog Debarko's bowl /
Make him feel pain in the neurons, stupid ass peons pissing in a brotha's pool /
Probably your weakest shit of the battle
I have a final prediction, with a conclusion that you lack fine diction and conviction /
You'll get bodied like Bobby did to the Jew, and end up with a fucking crucifixion /Sorry just not diggin this
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Old 04-19-2014, 08:04 PM   #27
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After a couple reads, I edged this to Cheddah. This was one of Magic's better showings, but I thought Cheddah had more standout bars. The "cheddah... you stay on top of the meat" bar from Magic was dope, but nothing else really hit hard for me. And Cheddah had a couple bars that were pretty equivalent to Magic's best, while his material was just more cogent overall. That Uncle Sam poster line was probably my favorite of the battle.

Cheddah does have a lot of problems with formatting though. Your end rhymes should go at the end of a bar (hence the name), otherwise it's really difficult to follow. And, some of the bars were just combined oddly so that they'd only rhyme internally--see the mag I see line for instance. If I'm really supposed to view that as only one bar, then it doesn't rhyme with anything else. If it's really two, then you went over the bar count. This doesn't just apply to Cheddah either. I really don't understand why people don't understand how to format bars.

I'll give you a quick example. You said:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheddah12
I bet your girl tells you shes faithful and you believer her,its funny your magic
but shes the deciever my dicks a starting pitcher your dick just a middle reliever
I only fuck MVP bitches who are in the league to stay,im hitting homeruns and fans show
me love everyday,you scared to step in the box so you dont get no play
you the type of nigga who always strikes out looking, your a backwards K
This is all types of messed up. It should read:

I bet your girl tells you shes faithful, and you believer her
It's funny your magic, but shes the deciever
My dick's a starting pitcher, your dick... just a middle reliever
I only fuck MVP bitches who are in the league to stay
I'm hitting homeruns and fans show me love everyday
You scared to step in the box so you dont get no play
You the type of n who always strikes out looking, you're a backwards K

So, what you tried to force into four bars is actually seven. In which case, you went well over the bar limit. Actually, I've never done this before, but I'm shifting my vote to Magic from this breakdown alone. Everyone who has these types of structural issues is gonna have a hard time getting my vote, even with superior content--especially if you go over the bar limit. So, disregard my initial ruling... Magic with the W.
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this is like the KKK doing a track with 2PAC's Mom.
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Old 04-19-2014, 08:08 PM   #28
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After a couple reads, I edged this to Cheddah. This was one of Magic's better showings, but I thought Cheddah had more standout bars. The "cheddah... you stay on top of the meat" bar from Magic was dope, but nothing else really hit hard for me. And Cheddah had a couple bars that were pretty equivalent to Magic's best, while his material was just more cogent overall. That Uncle Sam poster line was probably my favorite of the battle.

Cheddah does have a lot of problems with formatting though. Your end rhymes should go at the end of a bar (hence the name), otherwise it's really difficult to follow. And, some of the bars were just combined oddly so that they'd only rhyme internally--see the mag I see line for instance. If I'm really supposed to view that as only one bar, then it doesn't rhyme with anything else. If it's really two, then you went over the bar count. This doesn't just apply to Cheddah either. I really don't understand why people don't understand how to format bars.

I'll give you a quick example. You said:



This is all types of messed up. It should read:

I bet your girl tells you shes faithful, and you believer her
It's funny your magic, but shes the deciever
My dick's a starting pitcher, your dick... just a middle reliever
I only fuck MVP bitches who are in the league to stay
I'm hitting homeruns and fans show me love everyday
You scared to step in the box so you dont get no play
You the type of n who always strikes out looking, you're a backwards K

So, what you tried to force into four bars is actually seven. In which case, you went well over the bar limit. Actually, I've never done this before, but I'm shifting my vote to Magic from this breakdown alone. Everyone who has these types of structural issues is gonna have a hard time getting my vote, even with superior content--especially if you go over the bar limit. So, disregard my initial ruling... Magic with the W.
Dont understand how I went over 16?
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Old 04-19-2014, 08:14 PM   #29
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Dont understand how I went over 16?
Because, in your last "four" bars alone, you forced seven bars. So, I can either follow your script and say that it's four bars--in which case the rhyme structure is totally off--or I can rewrite it as seven--in which case the rhymes make sense, but you went over the limit. And I could rewrite your whole verse that way, but I don't want to have to. I'd imagine that, if I did, you'd probably have about 24 bars worth of material crammed together in random places. If you're honestly interested in what I mean, I'll take the time to do it for the whole verse.
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this is like the KKK doing a track with 2PAC's Mom.
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Old 04-19-2014, 08:16 PM   #30
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Because, in your last "four" bars alone, you forced seven bars. So, I can either follow your script and say that it's four bars--in which case the rhyme structure is totally off--or I can rewrite it as seven--in which case the rhymes make sense, but you went over the limit. And I could rewrite your whole verse that way, but I don't want to have to. I'd imagine that, if I did, you'd probably have about 24 bars worth of material crammed together in random places. If you're honestly interested in what I mean, I'll take the time to do it for the whole verse.
Thatd be cool if you wanna take the time, so i can figure out what you guys talkin about haha
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Old 04-19-2014, 08:40 PM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheddah12 View Post
Thatd be cool if you wanna take the time, so i can figure out what you guys talkin about haha
Alright, here's what I mean. One bar=one line. The end of a line should always rhyme with the end of the line either before or after. Here's how I would write your verse with that in mind. You had it down at the beginning of your verse, but somehow got thrown off later on.

My bro Seanzo he a nice guy, for my first round he gave me a bye
no slow it down I said for my first round he gave me a Bi

Now since the Genesis i been real dope and on my grind, Full time hustle no Halftime
Magic fuck with my Cheddah he getting side lined,nine at your dome pull it one time for your Mind
Shits gettin real graphic, its real tragic how your body is laying real static
You finding out lifes a bitch but thats what you get for thinking you illmatic
You a Killer that crap hard to believe cause its a bit dicey
I hit 7-11 and get chips nightly
dont gamble with your life have your body turn icy,
the 45 on my hip is the only mag I see/mag i c
my strap she like a good bitch always close by never in the holster,
doesnt like being left alone always wants me to hold her,
likes me to squeeze her butt never got to console her
She follows me wherever I go like an uncle sam poster
I bet your girl tells you shes faithful and you believer her,
its funny your magic, but shes the deciever
my dicks a starting pitcher your dick just a middle reliever
I only fuck MVP bitches who are in the league to stay,
im hitting homeruns and fans show me love everyday,
you scared to step in the box so you dont get no play
you the type of nigga who always strikes out looking, your a backwards K


That's just a rough copy and paste of your verse with some of the lines rearranged. I would re-word some stuff to make the bars even out if I was actually editing it, but you get the idea. Your verse is 21 bars. Other people might combine "I hit 7-11 and get chips nightly" with the previous line, but that would still be 20 bars. Although I could also break up your second bar into two. In any case, I hope this was somewhat helpful.
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this is like the KKK doing a track with 2PAC's Mom.
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Old 04-19-2014, 08:49 PM   #32
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Nah i fucks with it good lookin out. Tbh the first two lines was just to be funny didn't want those to count haha
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Old 06-09-2014, 04:11 PM   #33
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@VanillaNigga I used a Biggie Smalls Jr. bar in here!
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Old 06-09-2014, 04:17 PM   #34
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I wonder why your shit vs Smoke such a huge step back from this verse??

Hmmmmmmmmmm
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Old 06-09-2014, 04:29 PM   #35
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I wonder why your shit vs Smoke such a huge step back from this verse??

Hmmmmmmmmmm
'cuz I ain't hungry.
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Old 06-09-2014, 05:11 PM   #36
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'cuz I ain't hungry.
Lil ill tells me you're full of duck and chicken
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After battling a professional rapper like Dank and btw he's the only real professional I ever battled, I'm not going back to battling trash like this wack troll weirdo.
MY WINRAR ISN'T LICENSED
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Old 06-09-2014, 05:23 PM   #37
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Lil ill tells me you're full of duck and chicken
N puss og
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Old 06-09-2014, 05:58 PM   #38
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N puss og
Hahaha if only you could be this funny in your battles
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After battling a professional rapper like Dank and btw he's the only real professional I ever battled, I'm not going back to battling trash like this wack troll weirdo.
MY WINRAR ISN'T LICENSED
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