[KBomb]

What high profile text battle card would be complete without a showing from our friends across the pond in the U.K.? This penultimate entry in the legendary Secret Slaughter event features one of our best text heads from England (I think?), The Kurgan, against one of our own homegrown battlers who has gone on a killing streak in the actual ring, illipsis. Will The Kurgan's witty flow and vicious punches be the difference maker? Or will illipsis bring enough of his top notch writing and schemes to take the W?

@The Kurgan

Ill's chick only gives me a slight erection
Too basic to fuck with; Prime Directive
'Way she suck pipe's expensive' WAS my perspective
But now I'm over-the-head-game like it's isometric

Still she told the crew smash and they turned the whore out
Made the whole gang split like 'We can cover more ground!'
Now her X man seeing red on some Cyclops shit
So I got the green light to run through him: Qui Gon Jin

Your watch a Casio, my watch a Roly
Cos I'm scoring all 'The Dollars' like Morricone
I run shit in your city, know that I'm cold saggin
Yeah, I'm the new Van dealer: Volkswagon

Bucketloads of yay, we move that food
Famous for the China 'stash like Fu Manchu
Playas get replaced and no one notices: Blue Man Group
Cos I'm the Newman for the role like Cool Hand Look


@illipsis

He agreed to do this on cam, I guess yes means no
Cuz he ducked tape in a fix like the Red Green Show (FACTUAL SITUATION!)
This red/green, shows that I have to wreck amateurs
I’mma leave him six feet deep, that’s iambic hexameter (DAMN!)

Got something sharp up my sleeves like it’s Ezio’s wrists (OKAY!)
You get beat until you missing like the metronome skipped (WOW!)
The power getting to my head, just like Tetsuo’s did (oookay…)
Catch me Solo with a brick ‘n the desert like it’s Episode 6 (DAMN!!!)

I been a monster up North, I’m on my Wendigo shit (FUCK BIGFOOT!)
The snub nose up close, he get an Eskimo kiss (*muzzle nuzzle*)
K you soft, I hit your girl and made her take the log (WITH HER EXPRESS CONSENT THOUGH!)
Threw your highland bitch the wood, I’d say it ain’t a caber toss (CRAZY!)

Said that we would win, I bet this guy felt stupid
Cuz I’ll never see defeat like Rob Liefeld drew it (POUCHES!)
Arcane lore, I show him how it’s supposed to be done,
I took the Kurgan’s head off: there can only be one (I THINK, BEFORE MY TIME!!!)

[TheGodOfPez]

*puts another shot of Jim into the glass* Let's do this.

[TheGodOfPez]

Verse of the battle:

Bucketloads of yay, we move that food
Famous for the China 'stash like Fu Manchu
Playas get replaced and no one notices: Blue Man Group
Cos I'm the Newman for the role like Cool Hand Look

Fucking fire, @The Kurgan

Overall, I give the slight W to @illipsis

Y'all fuckers are killin' this text battle shit lately, salute! My interest is piqued again.

[The Kurgan]

Right first off I think (hope) K-Bomb is joking but no I'm not english.

2nd off I never ducked a cam battle (although I would have if you'd only asked).

3rd off at Illipsis' bars

[thatguy]

this event changin the game!

[LukeWaltonisGoat]

This battle was flames!! It's become a constant theme of this event tho
@The Kurgan you came out the gate punchin crazy you had fire shit all through your verse but I think the shit that made me tip the battle your way was the way you setup and delivered

"Let the whole gang split like, We can cover more ground"

I'm a huge fan of simple fire punches lol flames
@illipsis your verse was fucking fire too! This shit was damn near too close to call I think overall Kurgan had just a couple haymakers that hit harder.. But I feel like your verse as dope as it was would of landed better with you performing it vs reading it

So on paper I take TK but if we translated this to a real life battle I think ill gets that clear

[mulatto mutant]

read twice, still havent voted

will think more on this later but FUCK this was battle of the event to me so far

[riffic]

Still she told the crew smash and they turned the whore out
Made the whole gang split like 'We can cover more ground!'



I been a monster up North, I’m on my Wendigo shit (FUCK BIGFOOT!)
The snub nose up close, he get an Eskimo kiss (*muzzle nuzzle*)

[riffic]

first read result: I have no idea

[thatguy]

bar of the event contenders list is going to 10 pages long!!

[illipsis]

Originally Posted by The Kurgan

Right first off I think (hope) K-Bomb is joking but no I'm not english.

2nd off I never ducked a cam battle (although I would have if you'd only asked).

3rd off at Illipsis' bars

Yeah, that was a blatant fabrication , I just threw that in when I saw they were billing this as the Red/Green match.

Absolutely gross writing my dude, that's a low-key body haha. The whole last four is constant screw face. You ever considered battling irl?

[Emancee]

haha! I see you changing Luke to look to force the rhyme,Kurgan, but other than that and the Volkswagen punch,you took this pretty clearly IMHO

[Emancee]

and my tiny phone screen made me press the wrong vote, sigh!

[culturedboy]

i started breaking this down and my computer's fans started breaking from all the heat i'm sorry guys

[thatguy]

@illipsis can you explain the Rob Liefeld bar

[illipsis]

Originally Posted by thatguy

@illipsis can you explain the Rob Liefeld bar

I could, but I'd rather let my favourite article on the internet ever do it for me (#38 is the pertinent entry, but whole list is entertainment imo). http://www.progressiveboink.com/2012...efeld-drawings

tl;dr is that Rob Liefeld is often ridiculed for going to extreme lengths to avoid drawing characters' feet, and will tend to botch them horrendously even when he does make the attempt

[riffic]

Originally Posted by illipsis

I could, but I'd rather let my favourite article on the internet ever do it for me (#38 is the pertinent entry, but whole list is entertainment imo). http://www.progressiveboink.com/2012...efeld-drawings

tl;dr is that Rob Liefeld is often ridiculed for going to extreme lengths to avoid drawing characters' feet, and will tend to botch them horrendously even when he does make the attempt

hahahahaha that is fucking next level

[thatguy]

Originally Posted by illipsis

I could, but I'd rather let my favourite article on the internet ever do it for me (#38 is the pertinent entry, but whole list is entertainment imo). http://www.progressiveboink.com/2012...efeld-drawings

tl;dr is that Rob Liefeld is often ridiculed for going to extreme lengths to avoid drawing characters' feet, and will tend to botch them horrendously even when he does make the attempt

ok ya I assumed it was something like that but when I googled him I kept seeing feat!

will vote tomorrow... still deciding...

[KBomb]

it has come to my attention that the kurgan is indeed not english. in my defense, i am an idiot

[youdontwannabethatguy]

Crazy battle i knew you were gonna say there can only be one at some point in this battle though haha

legit no idea who to give it to i'll vote in a bit

[JShazo]

Kurg had a dope showing, and had his moments, but I think Illipsis outbarred him in the one...overall vote goes to illipsis tho.

sn: @illipsis I need that textfade

[thatguy]

ok so kurgan picked up steam as he went along. the opening 4 honestly didnt do much for me but by the time i got through the last 4 (fu manchu/blue man group...) i was spitting my drink out. that was crazy.

maybe just an advantage of goin 2nd but illipsis red/green bar hit heavy (even though i read later it was made up, at the time i believed it). i have no idea if people know the ref outside canada. illipsis just never let up from there so i ended up givin it to him. 4/4 great battles so far

[Seanzo]

@illipsis dropped that Rob Liefeld bar just for me, I feel. When i read it I slammed my hands against my desk and started laughing really hard

[The Kurgan]

@KBomb it's all good my canuck friend.

@Emancee lol I actually just somehow misspelled Luke. That's going to annoy me now. Thanks though.

@illipsis Thanks for the battle and props, I think you got it though. Liefeld and caber toss bars were my favourites, but the whole thing was great.

As for battling irl, I'd have to branch out from writing 95% of my material about selling drugs, shooting guns and fucking bitches, and idk if I'm ready for that sort of commitment.

[6000GP]

POWER TO THE PEOPLE, WE BACK TO DO MAINTENANCE

@The Kurgan

Ill's chick only gives me a slight erection
Too basic to fuck with; Prime Directive
'Way she suck pipe's expensive' WAS my perspective
But now I'm over-the-head-game like it's isometric
Uh huh, I fux with it

Still she told the crew smash and they turned the whore out
Made the whole gang split like 'We can cover more ground!'
Haha
Now her X man seeing red on some Cyclops shit
So I got the green light to run through him: Qui Gon Jin
Had to look up who Qui Gon Jinn was, but thats kinda hot

Your watch a Casio, my watch a Roly
Cos I'm scoring all 'The Dollars' like Morricone
I run shit in your city, know that I'm cold saggin
Yeah, I'm the new Van dealer: Volkswagon
Lol tbh, I don't get any of the last 3 lines, but that's my own problem

Bucketloads of yay, we move that food
Famous for the China 'stash like Fu Manchu
Heat
Playas get replaced and no one notices: Blue Man Group
Cos I'm the Newman for the role like Cool Hand Look
Strong finish. Liked all 4 of those lines.


@illipsis

He agreed to do this on cam, I guess yes means no
Cuz he ducked tape in a fix like the Red Green Show (FACTUAL SITUATION!)
This red/green, shows that I have to wreck amateurs
I’mma leave him six feet deep, that’s iambic hexameter (DAMN!)
Whoa. Ill flexing on him.

Got something sharp up my sleeves like it’s Ezio’s wrists (OKAY!)
You get beat until you missing like the metronome skipped (WOW!)
The power getting to my head, just like Tetsuo’s did (oookay…)
Catch me Solo with a brick ‘n the desert like it’s Episode 6 (DAMN!!!)
Damn, this is whole segment is fire

I been a monster up North, I’m on my Wendigo shit (FUCK BIGFOOT!)
The snub nose up close, he get an Eskimo kiss (*muzzle nuzzle*)
Haha
K you soft, I hit your girl and made her take the log (WITH HER EXPRESS CONSENT THOUGH!)
Threw your highland bitch the wood, I’d say it ain’t a caber toss (CRAZY!)
Talk that Scottish athletics shit I know nothing about!!!

Said that we would win, I bet this guy felt stupid
Cuz I’ll never see defeat like Rob Liefeld drew it (POUCHES!)
Arcane lore, I show him how it’s supposed to be done,
I took the Kurgan’s head off: there can only be one (I THINK, BEFORE MY TIME!!!)
Cool finish



Okay, so giving this one to Illipsis off the strength of his first 8 being so fire, especially the second 4, and me actually understanding the references. Not your guys fault if I don't get something, but ijs, it makes it harder for me to judge when I don't know what you're talking about. That said, The Kurgan's verse was good, the last 4 lines, in particular, and if I understood what he was doing I might see it differently, but Ill clearly got this one for me. Good shit, fellas.

[culturedboy]

i genuinely cannot pick a winner. i've tried like 37 times now

[I am LIL ILL]

I still don't get the bars

[Scartown]

Man, I was gonna try and get in on some text battles but your writing levels on here are insane.

Good shit to both. Ills writing always been top notch

[SonnyDaze]

Chea! Official #NHF recap of the "Overseas Onslaught"

Originally Posted by KBomb

@The Kurgan

Ill's chick only gives me a slight erection
Too basic to fuck with; Prime Directive
'Way she suck pipe's expensive' WAS my perspective
But now I'm over-the-head-game like it's isometric

Kinda seemed like a weird angle to start a battle with, but bar-for-bar this was crazy and read really well.

Still she told the crew smash and they turned the whore out
Made the whole gang split like 'We can cover more ground!'
Now her X man seeing red on some Cyclops shit
So I got the green light to run through him: Qui Gon Jin

Dope across the board, you're crusing

Your watch a Casio, my watch a Roly
Cos I'm scoring all 'The Dollars' like Morricone
I run shit in your city, know that I'm cold saggin
Yeah, I'm the new Van dealer: Volkswagon

Could definitely picture Wizard spitting something like this. Had to do some quick research to fully get the punches, but everything hit hard

Bucketloads of yay, we move that food
Famous for the China 'stash like Fu Manchu
Playas get replaced and no one notices: Blue Man Group
Cos I'm the Newman for the role like Cool Hand Look

Stash/Stache bars a little bit played to me (if I gotta be nitpicky), and I don't get why you didn't write "Luke" instead of "Look" for the last bar (ah, just read your comment, it was an accident) but other than that the last 2 lines ended the battle on a crazy note.


@illipsis

He agreed to do this on cam, I guess yes means no
Cuz he ducked tape in a fix like the Red Green Show (FACTUAL SITUATION!)
This red/green, shows that I have to wreck amateurs
I’mma leave him six feet deep, that’s iambic hexameter (DAMN!)

Sheeesh, ridiculous start

Got something sharp up my sleeves like it’s Ezio’s wrists (OKAY!)
You get beat until you missing like the metronome skipped (WOW!)
The power getting to my head, just like Tetsuo’s did (oookay…)
Catch me Solo with a brick ‘n the desert like it’s Episode 6 (DAMN!!!)

Holy shit, illipsis spazzin!

I been a monster up North, I’m on my Wendigo shit (FUCK BIGFOOT!)
The snub nose up close, he get an Eskimo kiss (*muzzle nuzzle*)
K you soft, I hit your girl and made her take the log (WITH HER EXPRESS CONSENT THOUGH!)
Threw your highland bitch the wood, I’d say it ain’t a caber toss (CRAZY!)

Still spazzin!

Said that we would win, I bet this guy felt stupid
Cuz I’ll never see defeat like Rob Liefeld drew it (POUCHES!)
Arcane lore, I show him how it’s supposed to be done,
I took the Kurgan’s head off: there can only be one (I THINK, BEFORE MY TIME!!!)

Definitely the lightest 4 of the batch, but the last two bars were exceptionally appropriate

Glad I took the time to look up every reference because bar for bar, this was the densest battle of the event and probably couldn't have delivered any more on that end.

Illipsis gets the W off the strength of a more dynamic verse, but Kurgan effortlessly delivered an amazing read himself.